"When we are crushed like grapes, we cannot think of the wine we will become."
January 1993.
I fall victim to a religious cult during my freshman year of college. Even though the group had been banned from my university in 1987, I am recruited right on campus, in the classroom. I have no idea what is happening until it is too late. The only voice from the outside world that captures my attention is the television, broadcasting nightly stories about some drama brewing in Waco, Texas. At first I laugh at these stories. But the more I listen, the more I realize that the great new church I began attending was a cult. Getting out was nothing short of exhausting.
The experience left me angry, bitter, and cynical. I reasoned that relationships aren't worth the hassle because people suck. My attitude had completely blinded me to the fact that I had become the very thing I despised: a miserable, negative person! But over time I became open to the possibility that the worst thing that ever happened to me was actually the best thing that ever happened to me. It made me stronger, more discerning, and prepared for anything. Once I realized that, I stopped being so miserable.
The experience left me angry, bitter, and cynical. I reasoned that relationships aren't worth the hassle because people suck. My attitude had completely blinded me to the fact that I had become the very thing I despised: a miserable, negative person! But over time I became open to the possibility that the worst thing that ever happened to me was actually the best thing that ever happened to me. It made me stronger, more discerning, and prepared for anything. Once I realized that, I stopped being so miserable.
Did you know that the most powerful thing you can do to bring about change is to understand yourself? It's far more productive to know how your mind works, as well as why you get "stuck" in a traumatic event and continue to make the same mistakes over and over, than it is to study — and obsess over — the people who hurt you.
You see, we are all, in some way, poisonous people. And when we focus on getting our own toxic traits under control, we find that we don't just recover from the toxic people we've been crying over; we actually outgrow them.
If you're tired of feeling powerless, ruminating over how you were wronged, or fearing you've become one of the same people you keep complaining about (i.e. the ones with the negative, pessimistic, victim mentality), then perhaps it's time for something different. I'm glad you're here, and I am rooting for you as you fight to restore balance and peace to your world.
Jennifer Guerriero, Ed.D., LCSW, RDT
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